04 November 2003 - 11:49 p.m.

This week has been bizarre. I think the fact that Ellen and Ali are gone has really started to mess with my sanity. I know there are tons and tons of people in this world with problems a lot bigger than mine and that I shouldn't complain ... I just really truly miss my friends. Not having them around is making this semester really tough.

My life does have a lot of really incredible amazing little things in it though. I got to play with my boss's daughter today, who's not quite 2. For those of you who worked o-tation with me, you know that this baby is the cutest kid on the entire face of the planet. I know I am prone to overexaggeration; however, she is sincerely beautiful and sweet. It was really wonderful to have this tiny little person sitting on my lap colouring, talking about the colours of crayons and about Sesame Street and singing "Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood" with me. I was teaching her the names of people in the office and she spent a large part of the afternoon chasing me around the office. It was really refreshing to have that today ... and I really needed it.

Also, my friend Martin from Russian gave me some very pretty daisies for no particular reason yesterday which was marvelous.

I got to vent a lot to Rob yesterday at lunch (I think the poor kid got more than he bargained in my response to his question about why I say he doesn't know me well). I have this big group of people in my life who are way more patient with me than I deserve. They make me laugh when I'm a wreck, listen to me whine about nothing, and tell me that I'm less crazy than I feel I am. I want to give them all thank you cards ... or cookies ... or "You're Great" stickers.

Unfortunately, I got home last night and the outlet I plug my fridge into stopped working ... and all the food had spoiled. Luckily, Aaron drove me to Shaw's to do quick grocery shopping (quick because I had to get to the ORL by midnight because I'd locked myself out on the way out the door too the grocery store).

Anyhow ... 'm Evil Melissa a lot more often lately. I say things that I don't mean to ... that's not to say thatI don't mean the things I say. I do mean them. There are a lot of stupid mean people in this world who make me angry and if they just went away and left the rest of us alone, we would all be happier for it. But really, they don't need to be told this. Especially not by me.

Someone told me the other day that I've been quieter lately. I think that's because I'm forcing myself to obey my parent's advice "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I've been whiny and mean and cranky and straightforwardly awful to people I care a lot about. I don't really mean to ... so I'm trying to not say much unless it's nice stuff.

I've been trying to just listen a lot more. It's a good RAing skill that I haven't quite mastered yet. I've also been becoming obsessed with new music. I'm currently on an "Avenue Q" high. Most of it is very very funny. There is one song that absolutely breaks my heart, though. It's called "A Fine, Fine Line." Anyhow, everyone should go out and get the soundtrack. (Also, NY was wonderful and incredible and amazing ... Seattle was also very incredible ... perhaps I will update about my two little trips sometime soon. For now, it is back to Russian Vocab ...

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