14 September 2003 - 6:29 p.m.

I ran into Ashley coming back from Gap today. She told me that I "always looked so pulled together ..." Which is mostly funny because I always feel like I'm quite visibly falling apart. She said she wished she could be me and that I do everything ... and do it well. This is not entirely true, but I do appreciate the sentiment.

Today was one of those days that made me happy in small little ways, which is nice.

The boy who rang up my cd at Virgin flirted with me ... finally asking me for my number (which will probably never be used ... but being asked is really very nice!).

Gwen said she was so happy to see me back at the store ... which is very nice of her. I got to visit Kym at her new store and I ran into Carrie at her store on my way out of the mall ... very fun times.

School is crazy. Really crazy. I'm scared that I've decided to do too much. Between RA stuff, Program Manager stuff for the Community Service Center, Peer Advising for the School of Music, working 20 hours a week at orientation, working at Gap, taking 8 classes, and Slow Kids ... I'm afraid I'll never ever be able to sleep. I keep trying ... really hard to convince myself that I'll be fine. I have such a really incredible support system here. The other RAs I work with are some of the best people I've met in a long time. I really do adore working with all of them, and they are all fairly good about watching out for my mental health. The CSC kids and Orientation folks are also amazing. My employers are also wonderful and supportive and understanding, which is very lucky for me.

Best of all, I have friends who are being tremendously supportive of the fact that the two biggest pillars in my happy little support system (Ali and Ellen) are conveniently located across the Atlantic Ocean. They seem to like me in spite of my often self-destructive tendency to take on far more than any reasonable and sane human being can handle. They remind me how to smile and how to laugh. They listen to me cry and complain. They buy me coffee ... make me take breaks from my own little neurotic land ... listen to my irrational fears ... but best of all, they seem to forget to mention how obviously I'm falling apart sometimes. They pretend that I have this little, polished and pulled together facade ... and that underneath the facade, I'm still polished and pulled together ... I guess it's just nice of them to pretend for me.

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