17 March 2003 - 7:26 a.m.

I'm back from spring break. Yay for that! Home was good, though. After spending two days at the funeral home for my dad's cousin's funeral, I spent most of break sleeping ... which I s'pose I needed. I watched One Hour Photo with Rachael. It was sincerely terrifying. I have never been so scared by something that really wasn't THAT creepy. Anyhow ... I went to school with my dad for a while. It was interesting. I'm so old now, I don't know anyone. I was sitting in my dad's room before I went to the French class, and I could hear these freshman girls talking about me. "O! That must be Mr. Baese's daughter! She's so cute. And so SMALL!" I'm being told I'm small by 14 year old girls who were in 5th grade when I graduated from high school ... awesome. I found my yearbooks when I was home too. It makes me laugh only because the advice people were giving me when I was 14 is the same advice people are giving me now almost 7 years later ... By far, the most common thing people said to me was "We all admire how hard you work and how much you do. You just need to relax ... let yourself have fun and be happy. The whole "relax" part and the "let yourself be happy" part are the things I have problems with. I get to almost-happy or pretty-close-to-happy and then I sabbotage it for myself. While I was going crazy earlier in the week, I was asking Rachael what I should do about something ... and she gave me the best advice of anyone in recent days. She said, "It sounds like the only thing getting in the way of you being happy ... is you. After I agreed, she said, "Well, get out of the way, sweetheart." So, that's the goal for now. Staying out of my own way ....

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