23 August 2002 - 12:44 a.m.

It comes down to this: I am crazy. Really crazy. Here's why ...

1.) I cry for no reason. I've been sitting here tonight sobbing off and on. I'm not sad. Just crying. (Just between you and I, it may be that I am HIGHLY HIGHLY PMS ... I think it's really because I'm crazy) The worst part about this crying business is that I don't particularly mind. I cry for about thirty seconds ... those sobs you make when you find out for the first time that some boy you like does not like you ... or when your first pet dies ... or when the entire world is SO unfair ... or when you are so hideous and unattractive and awful that no one will ever want to be your friend and you will live a long life alone with only your cats to keep you company and children will run past your house screaming "Run! Run from the Crazy Cat Lady" ... or when you write long run on sentences with no point (ahem). It's the adolescent angst tears. The ones that seem like they'll last forever. They used to. Swear. When I was 14, I was the Queen of Marathon Crying. They gave me a crown and everything. Go to the Slow Kids Webpage and see. (So the crown wasn't for crying, and I won it when I was 18 ... picky, picky!) But this time, it's shorter. And then I feel completely relieved. Free from tears. Huzzah! I say ... until I start again. I think it may have to do with my loneliness in this apartment. These past few weeks have proven to me, flat out, that I am not capable of living alone. I function fine for the most part, but "alone" is not an acceptable lifestyle. I need a pet or something. A human is highly preferable. Someone who will sit there quietly when I need to rant, but talk when it is the right time. Someone who will be okay with silence and just sitting next to me holding my hand. Someone who will cuddle with me just because I am a perpetually cold little girl. Someone who purrs or has soft fur would also be acceptable.

2.) I have crazy friends. Think about it. I do. If you are reading this, you're probably one of said crazy friends. I love my crazy friends. They are marvelous people. But they are ALL CRAZY. Each one of my friends has an amazing quirk or some bizarre neurotic behaviour that makes them marvelous and perfect to me ... but also crazy.

3.) I have my own crazy language. Frave, shish, poochy ... none of these are normal people words. I am the only person I know (with the exception of Frave) who uses "shall" more frequently than "will" as the helping verb in future tense sentences. I am the only person who calls two of the people I am closest to by absurd terms of endearment: Frave, from Fravrite, from Favourite (also a non-proper noun ... everyone say thank you to the part-time linguist). Shish, from Shishin, from Chicken (see above side note). Who calls anyone ANY form of Chicken? Okay ... to make matters better, this is not the first time I've called someone by a derivitive of chicken. All of my CHS friends will remember my "fuzzy chicken." It even warranted a christmas present of a fuzzy chicken coin purse.

4.) I do not think like a normal person. I think how my mom's side of the family has conversations. They go in sort of circles. One person starts ... the next person says something unrelated ... a third person starts something even further removed ... a fourth comments on person two's comment ... a fifth responds to number one and a sixth to number three ... continuing in no particular order. That is how my head works too. Blame it on too much caffeine. I need to start taking notes for myself. Thought 1: To do list for tomorrow. Thought 2: I love coffee. Thought 3: I am, sadly, addicted to American Idol. Thought 4: Have you ever thought about how this random word would be transcribed phonetically. Thought 5 (related to 2): Ahhh ... boo, I have to pee. Then I get confused and hae to start all over.

5.) To quote Aaron, "You think/worry/fret/cry too much." You know you have serious crazy problems when you are told you think too much.

6.) And perhaps most disturbing of all. How many sane people do you know who turn to something when they are upset? A lot right? Some people drink alcohol (Not I said the Little Red Hen), some people scream and rant (which I do too), some people cuddle up with a teddy bear (occasionally) ... What does Good Ol' Crazy-Face do? Cuddles up with a good book and ... her violin. I am not joshing. I just sit with little Milo Sebastian in my arms and play about with the fingerboard while I read. It is the most soothing thing in the world. It's like bad drugs for me. I'm addicted.

Anyhow. I'm crazy.

As a side note, I'd like to share a story with you all. So, Rick has picked up the use of the word poochy (Yay for Rick)! And he spread it to Alison ... who has spread it to the entire Clarion Colour Guard ... and, allegedly, soon to be the whole marching band. Woohoo! I am starting a trend! Huzzah. +10 for Crazy Mel.

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