26 January 2002 - 9:47 a.m.

There are some obnoxious aspects of my personality. I have decided this. Here are some annoying things about my personality ... if I can explain them well.

1. I need people to compliment me. Well, I don't really NEED people to compliment me ... and it's not like I walk down the street expecting the next person I run into to say "Mel, you're great!" In fact, I do not like it so much when that happens ... and it's not even that I need compliments. I just need someone to negate whatever the other person said. The problem is that, in real life, I do not think I am so good at anything. When I win things, or do well at something, I expect it to turn out to be some sort of joke. When I do well, I don't want people to tell me I did a good job. It is when I don't do well ... when I do something horrible to someone else ... or say something mean ... or do something ridiculous like trip on a pine cone ...or get ditched by my friends and end up sitting at home crying ... or any number of other things. Then I need someone to say, "You know what? We still love you. We love you even though you're mean, uncoordinated, and sometimes bitchy. We love you even though you cry sometimes." Well, maybe they don't have to list my flaws at the end of the compliment. Anyhow, I am annoyed by the fact that I need someone else to tell me I'm worthwhile or I begin to doubt it.

2. I need to hug people. I swear. I do. I think it is because of two things. First, I need hugs to be happy. I remember reading once that you need ten hugs to be a happy, functioning person. I am a happier person when I am receiving lots of hugs. Currently, I am WAY below my hug quota. Second, if people hug me, it means that they do not hate me. I like it when people do not hate me.

Anyhow, there are many other parts of my personality that annoy the crap out of me. Those shall have to wait for another day.

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