11 January 2002 - 11:04 a.m.

In real life, I'm not a very nice person.

I realized this last night when I was at Becca's new room in Towers. Actually, I realized this a long time ago ... I just said it last night.

You may be thinking, "Mel! You are a perfectly nice person." Hah! Nope. Not so much really. If only y'all could know what I think ... There are some people who know how mean I am. Carrie, Rachael, Ellen, Molly, and possibly a few others have heard some of the mean things I think .... because on occasion, I say them outloud.

I think the problem is that I am incredibly competitive and fairly jealous by nature. Now, I don't mean jealous in the sense that I see someone with nicer toys than me and I think "gee, I'd like that!" I mean jealous in the sense that when I see someone who is a better person than I am, who has talent in an area where I possess absolutely NO skills at all, who is absolutely perfect, or worst of all, who is truly happy when I am not, I get really jealous. This kind of jealousy is the worst because it's such sad jealousy. These people have more than just stuff that I don't. It seems like they know some sort of secret that allows them to be happy and perfect while I wallow in perpetual mediocrity.

Once I realize that this person is EXACTLY what I wish I could be, I turn into Evil Melissa. Evil Melissa's goal is to find these people's flaws, especially if they're things that Evil Melissa does fairly well ... like "HAHA! Perfect Person #1 cannot sing at all. I can sing. In fact, I have perfect pitch. So there!" Usually, I try to mask these comments by saying something clever before or after them.

Anyhow, now you all know the secret of Evil Melissa.

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