09 December 2001 - 10:20 p.m.

So, I think the emotional breakdown is over. All I have to say about that is HALLELUJAH! I still have know idea why I went absolutely crazy. It was really really terrifying just to cry and cry for hours and have no reason to be crying. It started Tuesday morning ... and continued through yesterday evening. The worst part was crying at the Slow Kids apartment on Friday night. I spent about half of the night in their bathroom sobbing. I felt horrible. I am so scared to cry in front of them. They try so hard to be nice when I'm crying, but I think that I scare. I just wanted to send them all "I'm Sorry" cards, but I don't know what I'd write in them. "My darling Slow Kids ... I am sorry I am crazy and cry all the time. Please don't hate me. Love, Me" Anyhow, enough about me being weird.

Stuff is almost done, which is wonderful. I've finished both my papers and my presentation which are all due on Tuesday. Now all I have to do is study ... and practice. A lot.

I shall now complain about boys ... because that's one thing I'm really good at. So, I find out today that this kid who lived on my floor last year is interested in me. Being so pathetic as I am, I should say, "Hooray! A real live boy who is not blind, deaf, 12 years old, or tremendously frightening is interested in me!" Instead, I say "What? Why him? Why can't any of these boys who are on my It Would Be Completely Acceptable for This Boy to Want to Date Me list like me?" It's really sad that I think I can do better than something ... because the truth is, right now, all signs are pointing to my complete and total failure with boys. I can flirt with all my male friends with no problems at all ... I can be fairly adorable to boys for extended periods of time. Then I either lapse into the Melissa Is a Bitch Disorder ... or manage to find some way to repulse the kid. Anyhow ... I am just babbling now.

O, Katie, I'm writing to you through this, in hopes that you read it. I am trying very hard to work on the pact. Unfortunately, I am a big fat chicken, and I am having tremendous issues saying anything other than "hi" to the boy. I'm working on it. I promise. I have a week and two days before I go home.

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